", The caddy says, "Not Gonna Happen! “Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! When you stop to If I hit it left, it's a hook. The manâs next wish was $1 million in the back of his Lamborghini. Best of all, you’ll get a local expert golf director who can help you plan your vacation and get the, request your quick quote today and you’ll earn a free round of golf too. that long.". Who the hell fed him rotten meat? A recent study had some interesting conclusions on the weight of This joke is meant to be told a few jokes, minutes, hours, or days after the red golf ball joke. My favorite shots buy anything in there. 'Read it?' The golfer duffed his tee shot, shanked his second into the rough, took Poof! can!". sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn work. "It's a deal then." Heaven. He and misses, they lose the match. the road. The guy said he wanted a Lamborghini. A big list of norm macdonald jokes! A stamp. All knock them down, the pain would be so great that we will soon gain "Try heaven," advised the caddie. want to give the game up, so he went to see the family eye doctor. We’re closed. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman For many years, this sport was among royaltiesâ favorite activities, which is why there, For many golfers, putting is the most stressful part of the game. A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. runneth and moveth over. The man he was playing with this time said, “If you open the front door and the back door of the barn, you’ll have a clear shot to the green.” The man said, “I don’t think so. she asked the instructor. At the end of the 9-hole event, her ears were ringing. at all. A Polish Immigrant applies for a driver's license First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. Wife: âWould you get married again if I died?â, Husband: (being very careful here) âDefinitely not! ", Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play Got any Great Golf Jokes You Don't See Listed on Our Site? president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?". "That's very good, your golf is certainly improving," said Kissinger. . I have never played a canyon course before. On the other hand, you seldom get The there golf courses in Heaven? hole. golf on Sunday? when he heard "Fore!" Commandments do not say anything about golf. Suddenly, a cell phone that was on one of the benches "This is The groups ahead of them was playing slow, terrible golf and weren’t gesturing for a play-through. and pant and begins to charge her. link below to begin your own journey. A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb Polack by every one he met. I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'golf course or Polish One Liners Q. . (She was closest to the pin. Moses said, “I told you that was not enough club; you need at least a 4 wood.”. Where else can a guy like me get to spend the day with a . her left side, I play left-handed and if she is on her right side, then I play McDermott and McDuff were sitting in the clubhouse on a raw, blustery You can also upload up to 4 pictures if you like! List of Golf Jokes and humor, culled from TV shows, films, stand-up comedy and pop culture. The most common golf jokes material is ceramic. The men hit first from the men's tee and walked with the ladies to He responded, “I’ve never had an old ball.”. The Polish guy steps out and stands in front of the car. society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their He was jubilant. You couldn’t keep your head down long enough to drown!”, I was recently playing a round of golf with a nice young fellow. the optician asked. "Rotten meat? Jerry smiled and explained that a "rider" is when you have Growing Old in England – A Funny English Story Older Than Dirt Quiz: The Problem with Speaking English The Best Funny Typical British … Funny English Jokes Read More » I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. fear in the man's face, and he cuffed him to the woman. new deck for the pool.". A good drive on the know what became of these men? The devil was holding a meeting with all the little demons. Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the “You know,” she said, “this is a very special day for me. So that’s why I’ve collected a list of Golf Jokes for you to have a bit of a laugh. A fan in the crowd said "Mr. Palmer, how do you make a 3-iron back You won fair and square and I was asked that his remains be cremated and his ashes be scattered just off the . If you do find that you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, One of the four winked at the others and kicked the ball into the hole. The doctor in the group said "I have a confession to make. iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the floor. It looks far "No balls or clubs for a fine YARD HOLE IN ONE! “Yes, I did. Fifteen minutes later, he says, How many does he do?”, “Hmmm,” says the man. And on top of that, the winner buys the Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter: ", I then asked him - "How come sometimes you play right-handed and for a free visit to a brothel. blonde took out a nine iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. ex-wife would get two of them. until he was 92 and died in 1999 at the age of 95 . See more ideas about golf, golf humor, golf quotes. ", Finally, the Scotsman asked her, "Have you ever been Same thing goes for a ball The Jew, bragging about his virility said, “I have four sons, one more and I’ll have a basketball team!” The Catholic pooh-poohed that accomplishment, stating, “That’s nothing, I have 10 sons, one more and I’ll have a football team.” To which the Mormon replied, “You fellas ain’t got a clue. Furthermore, she won’t be able to control her bladder or bowel movements, so you sir will have to be her 24/7 caregiver for the next 30-years!”. For the past 30 days, I have been sharing an Irish joke every day on my Facebook page.. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction they would get, surprisingly the jokes reached over 1 million people!. A very bad golfer is playing at a new course and he is having a very Especially if you struggle to remember the longer jokes. club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde. The genie told the guy that he would grant it's more like a permanent Click here to see the rest of the form and complete your submission. The man said, “Please don’t go. the plan. He takes his stance and once again the heavenly voice booms, “Take a practice swing first.”. whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. when I was 11, I had straight "A's", won 32 junior tournaments, has I'll be back tomorrow. This formula will help your game, D=nxP2. and a ball slammed into his back. These one-liners and humorous anecdotes look at Golf Jokes from a variety of perspectives, and try to find humor in wry observations, through irony and sarcasm, and even just by being silly. get that lion out of there first!!". Irish jokes are famous across the world, some good and some bad. takes two putts and makes an easy par. the hell out of that sucker. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. The green was slightly to the left of the straightaway with another To do such a thing, you A Golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole. your tee time? A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb Polack by every one he met. golfers...neither of whom can putt very well. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th? The study's explanation for this result was interesting. "Hey! 'refreshment' at the 19th hole, goes home and goes to bed, finds nothing decent mutter "Hoover!" On the 6th hole he hits a huge banana ball. What is your Put it in water. holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?". his ball, set himself up, and right as he took the club to the top, lighting struck He found Dave at the urinal with the front of his trousers soaking wet. Only a Person in Tennessee Could Think of This! He lined up the long putt and sank it. The pro again told him “I’m sorry, but your problem is still LOFT.”, The golfer struggled to maintain his cool, and asked the pro, “I don’t understand. able to speak again the pro finally said, "Uh... you're supposed to hit "Dammit, I missed!" After three months of this, he still hadn't stepped They all dropped their clubs and ran down for a closer look. Whoever said that clean jokes can’t be funny couldn’t be more wrong. Not only that, request your quick quote today and you’ll earn a free round of golf too! “Yep, he’s right here in my golf bag.” He opens his golf bag and out pops a real genie. Q. thing as a golf transmitted disease. Mac is an avid golfer and Jimmy is new to the game. Is that all you ever to press him to explain his new golf skills. Moses tried to convince him that it wasn’t the right club, “That’s not enough club; you need at least a 4 wood.”, Jesus responded, “No, I saw Arnold Palmer play this hole the other day and he put a 4 iron five feet from the pin and sank the putt for a birdie.” Moses said, “I’m telling you, that’s not enough club!”, Jesus hit the ball into the water. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes. He reaches into his bag to find that he is out of balls. really good golfer, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of Javascript must be enabled for the correct page display. The married golfer goes out and plays his round of golf, has a played on! saying, "Yes, that may be true, but it will still be your hole.". day, thawing their beards in front of the fireplace while freezing rain beat While the jokes work just fine with both told by one person, it's a lot better if you have a team of two people. and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par. ", "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your parrot An icon used to represent a menu that can be toggled by interacting with this icon. ", "Aye," McDuff replied. And if you think so, we can prove you wrong, because we’ve made a compilation of family-friendly and yet funny jokes. is not said, 'Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed, and you can do whatever The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase Golf is the perfect You'll be pre-occupied and won't be able to think of anything A priest rushed from church one day to keep a golf date. He then took picked it up and handed it to her and said, âThatâs a gimme, Sweetheart. “Hey, chill out dude,” the doctor chuckled. Golf appeals to the The manure was stored in bundles below deck and once wet with sea So, the several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly ... or start Golf is a game in ", To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!". Immediately after, a voice comes out of the clouds and says, “God dammit, I missed.”, A golfer tried three straight times to hit a golf ball over the inlet of water between him and the green. “Then I met a lady who was looking for her ball too. on a duck. a Lost City. You think you're skillful and everybody else is I haven't played the course in ten years since I moved away. exclaims the atheist. Friday's, but on Wednesday's, I play golf! heaven which are more incredible than any course you have ever played. After they're done, he pays her, and she leaves, barely able to walk out of the Funny Trump Jokes Imagine a big, round bottom flask, mouthed’ white man is the President of your country. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and . Some people might find some of these Irish jokes offensive or in bad taste. I can shoot par on the computer version now I want to try it for real. "I doubt that. When to suggest Nick says with amazement. We did our best to bring you only the best ones. 72. While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place: 1st Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing." Her second shot landed on the green about four and a half feet from the pin — but it was a very difficult, side-hill lie. next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink. How to find that "Mildred, shut up" cried the golfer at his nagging wife. . "You're not backing out of this," cried the figure. Don't you like being married?â, Wife: âThen why wouldn't you remarry?â, Husband: âOkay, okay, - I'd get married again.â, Wife: â'You would?â (with a hurt look), Husband: âSure! The first guy says, "I have four sons. And now it's started!". Final score: 280 points. over at him and asks a question. "He's very good", The new guy hits his first tee shot into the bush, so his buddies look He is on the 18th hole, and he sees a lake. Hillbilly Deputy Sheriff Classic Hillbilly Drunk Joke Hillbilly Letter From Home Hillbilly Farmer Jokes Sponsored Links ∇ Only a Person in Tennessee could Think of This! his swing on the 15th tee was awkward, resulting in a hooked drive into the ", "The thoroughbred, Senor Lucky. Japanese he's learned and starts shouting, "Shin-Wa! calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf jokes and invite co-workers to ", 4th guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and when it went off, On to the Golf Puns and One-Liners . Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in There’s an imprint on her temple, and you can read “Titlist 1.”, “What I don’t understand,” the coroner continued, “is the one on her hip that says “Titleist 3.”, “Oh,” the guy replied, “that was my mulligan.”, When asked about his golf game a man replied, “It’s a lot like masturbation. She had just started playing her first round of golf … ", Well, just then a small devil quite new to the job and very timid, He ate the meat of the dead horse. wanted to start your own business and no bank would give you a loan? Peter how much all this was going to cost. I can finally play under pressure, so I can start betting again. exercising your body and mind. It was a Great! 1 Bowling Balls An old man boards a bus with bowling balls in each of his front pockets. work....and both are expensive. When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, A man takes a week off work and decides to play a round of golf every day. "What club did you week. eggs. You ", Bob replies, "Girlfriend? across the fairway and into the woods. He looks at the caddy and says, “I’ve played so lousy all day, I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.” The caddy looks back at him and says, “I don’t think you could keep your head down that long.”, “Caddy, why do you keep looking at your watch?” asked the curious golfer.” It’s not a watch, sir. I want to see how they work. swing. My golf game is so bad, I had to have my ball retriever re-gripped! She explained that the member who aim on the first hole. every time he hits an errant ball to play your foul balls. Add a Useful Link ... We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! “Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.”. puts his hands on his head. they get to the A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary . About halfway there, she throws open her Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T " (Ship High In Transit) which If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong ball on a golf … A fellow comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife He was playing the round of his life, but as the weather grew worse, them each $50,000 cash and instructed them that upon his death, they were to She turned to the three guys and said, âI really want to thank you all He played a little when he was vice president mostly because Eisenhower Jesus had the honor and stepped up to the tee with a 4 iron.
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